


Hardly A Master Thief

by Brit_In_Space



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Hijinks & Shenanigans, Stealing, Truth or Dare, scouting legion, survey corps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 04:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4691897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brit_In_Space/pseuds/Brit_In_Space
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was stupid, oh, so stupid. It all started with a game of truth or dare with the 104th trainees, and just your luck, Jean dared you to steal one thing from each of the squad leaders and if you didn’t you’d have to kiss him, and now you, Sasha and Connie were going around the SCHQ at god knows how late at night.</p><p>This could go so many kinds or wrong...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hardly A Master Thief

“Why don’t we just tell Jean to stuff it. This wasn’t on the list! I could lose my job!” You hissed as you tip toed across the halls with two idiots in tow.

“You’re doing great ____, I mean you got Mike’s beard trimmer, Hanji’s glasses and even the corporal’s cravat! How the hell you’d even manage that?” Sasha said as you laughed awkwardly and scratched the back on your head.

“I’m…..quick.” Connie and Sasha praised you.

‘If they really find out how I got them I’m doomed to kiss Jean!’ You just wanted this to be over, one more left…let’s hope it’s as easy as the others. 

__________________________________________________________________________________

{Mike – Three hours ago}

You stood outside Mike’s window, like all the others you’d have to climb in, slowly Sasha handed you the ladder and you climbed through a window into his living quarters, you knew this would go bad as soon as you heard the shower, where do you keep a beard trimmer? In a bathroom. If he was in there then it would make this almost impossible. Suddenly the sound of water stopped.

“Why are you here squad leader?” Oh God, of course you’d never get past him and his nose, before you knew it he was standing in front of you with a towel wrapped around his waist and hair wet. You squealed inside like a stupid fan girl, the slight steam from the shower condensing the mirror by the door, why must every guy around here be perfect?!

“U-um well….” Mike took a step closer and he looked you up and down, your face was probably flushed red by now but you didn’t care, you had to get out of here.

“You seem nervous ____. Why’re you here?” He asked again as you looked down at the floor.

“I er…just wanted to pick up some paperwork.”

“Through my window?” You laughed awkwardly as Mike took another step towards you.

‘Don’t come any closer! I might pass out!’ Mike sensed your insecurity and threw on a robe.

“The door was locked……” You said very unconvincingly.

“I noticed some of the 104th trainees playing truth or dare before I came up here.” You looked up trying to act dumb.

“R-really? I had no idea, Erwin just asked me to get the drill report off you.” A small smile played on the man’s lips.

“Oh, really. Then why have you, Cadet Braus and Cadet Springer been pacing around the building and right outside my window.” You gave up, the man was just too good, you couldn’t lie past him.

“Alright! Alight! I’ll tell you….basically, yes. I and the 104th trainees have been playing truth or dare, and Jean- I mean Cadet Kirschtein dared me to take one item from each of the squad leaders, I need your beard trimmer, Hanji’s glasses and the Corporal’s cravat and if I don’t I have to kiss him.” He raised an eyebrow.

“My beard trimmer?” You nodded shyly, you looked up seeing he’d disappeared into his bathroom and came back with a saver, tossing it to you, you caught it clumsily.

“Make sure you give all the stuff back, and in return you have to help me with the real drills for a week.” You groaned as you nodded.

“An eye for an eye, squad leader and don’t tell the others I was in here.” You walked over to the window and swung your leg over the ledge, you waved to Sasha and Connie as if you’d never been seen.

“Thanks Mike.” You muttered as you climbed onto the ladder, shut the window and ran off with the Cadets.

________________________________________________________________________ 

{Hanji –Two hours ago}

“This should be easiest, from what Eren said, Hanji’s drunk again so you can just tell her it’s a dream if you get caught.” Sasha laughed as you grinned.

“Right! Piece of cake.” Hanji’s window wasn’t as high so Connie just gave you a boost up, but as soon as he did you told him to drop you. By ‘drop’ you meant lower but being the moron he is, he literally dropped you onto the floor with a crash as barrels fell and toppled. Luckily, it didn’t seem like Hanji heard.

“Ow…Connie, don’t just drop me like that!” Connie ignored you and asked what was wrong. You rolled your eyes.

“Hanji’s sober, she’s doing paper work! Why would Jaeger even say she’s drunk damnit!” You slammed your fist into the ground, deciding you couldn’t continue you all waited a good hour until Hanji either left the room or went to bed. Hauling yourself through the window, her glasses were nowhere to be seen, slowly you creaked open the door to her room to find her asleep, her glasses on the table next to her, grinning you leaned over to take them when suddenly Hanji grabbed your arm, still asleep.

“Hey, let go.” You warned as you tried to pry her hands off you, she started mumbling things you couldn’t understand and out of the blue she pulled you into her bed and hugged you like a stuffed bear. You struggled and struggled until you had no energy left; you tried to crawl out of the bed but suddenly you fell, yelping as Hanji landed on top of you.

“____, what’re you doing here?” She rubbed her eyes as you sat up and helped her off the floor while hiding the glasses in your inside pocket.

“You got drunk again.” You lied as Hanji shook her head.

“No I didn’t, I always go sober on Thursdays.” You gulped quietly and opened the door.

“Well anyway, something happened, goodnight Hanji.” You said all too quickly.

“Did you take my glasses?” You froze.

‘Not twice in a row, please, not twice in a row.’ She came up behind you and shoved her hands inside your jacket to fish for them, you tried to pull her away, but due to the whiskey bottle on her desk, she probably was drinking.

“A-ha!” She waved them in front of your face as your expression darkened, damn. 

“I wear…..glasses now.” Hanji laughed more as she hugged you.

“I know what you’re up to, you little minx.” She hiccupped, of course she was drunk, and she’d probably never been fully sober in her life anyway! 

“You…er do?” You took the glasses back without her seeing and slipped them into another pocket; the scientist crossed her arms and nodded with a drunken blush on her cheeks.

“Yes, Yes, Mike warned the squad leaders of your little dare, and he said to take you straight to Erwin if they see you.” You were lost for words, Mike lied? Whatever, maybe you could bargain again like the failure you were.

“Look I just need to borrow them, if you know about the dare; you’ll know I have to kiss Jean if I don’t do it.” She sat down on her bed in thought.

“Ok, but…” Your heart dropped.

“You need to help me with tests for two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!” Hanji laughed as she nodded, looking at your gaping form.

“Since you’re already helping Mike for one so you can help me for two.” You sighed.

“Ok. Ok….I have to go now.” With a defeated expression, you climbed back out the window.

\------------------------------------------

{Levi – 30 minutes ago} 

‘I’m dead. I’m dead, he’s going to kill me!!!!’ You looked back at Sasha and Connie who were at the other end of the hall, since Levi didn’t have and open able windows in his room you’d have to go in through the door, this would honestly, one hundred percent be the last anyone saw of you. 

You nodded towards the two as they ran for cover in the washing room. Gulping you knelt down and pulled out a lock pick, at the moment Levi was in a meeting with Erwin so he should be a while. When you heard a click you grinned, time is of the essence so you’d have to hurry the hell up, but as soon as you opened the door your breathing stopped, Levi was sitting at his desk, staring right at you.

“Nice lock picking skills squad leader.” You stammered, why’s he here?! Oh God, I’m so dead, goodbye world! The short man stood up.

“I hear you’ve been taking things from your co-workers.” You shook your head slowly as Levi gestured for you to sit in a chair, which you hesitantly did.

“Do you want my cravat?” Your eyes widened slightly before looking away embarrassed.

“Y-yeah…about that….I ju-” He cut you off as he stood in front of you and leant against the desk crossing his arms and looking down on you.

“I know about Kirschtein, but what if I get you suspended from duty for stealing.” You shook your head as your heart hammered in your chest.

“Nononono! Please Levi, I need it for like an hour. I’ll do anything! I’m already doing the drills with Mike for a week, tests with Hanji or two, heck I’ll clean the entire building by myself for four! Don’t make me kiss Jean!” You were on the brink of tears almost as Levi sighed.

“To think a woman of (Age 20+) can act like such a brat…but if you mean what you said about the cleaning then I guess giving you this can’t hurt.” You knew you’d dug yourself a grave the moment you’d said it, holding the cravat you gulped. Standing up to leave you shut the door behind you, what you do to not kiss Jean. Sighing you went off in search for the two cowards who’d deserted you.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Ok, Jean I got everything!” You announced as the boy looked at everything in shock, you just stood there smugly as you crossed your arms.

“I’m not an idiot ____.”

“Really? I thought you were.” You laughed loudly as the others stayed silent, making it slightly awkward.

“I know the squad leaders found out.” Your eyes widened, stupid, stupid you. Whatever, you sure as hell weren’t kissing him!

“So what? I got the stuff, you said nothing about getting caught.” Jean nodded suddenly smirking.

“I’ll give you one more chance.” You raised an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, take the commanders neck piece, without getting caught.”

“But that isn’t on the original dare, so I don’t have to do it.” You crossed your arms stubbornly when there was a voice behind you.

“But if you refuse…” You looked towards the tall cadet that was Riener Braun.

“You have to sleep with me tonight.” Jean finished smirking, you were lost for words, you huffed and turned around.

“Fine! But I swear to the colossal titan, if I fail and you try anything, you won’t be alive next week Kirschtein!” With a glare you walked out of the room with Sasha and Connie.

__________________________________________________________________________________

{Present}

As you paced along the hallways Sasha and Connie stopped, you turned back and raised your eyebrows asking what the hell they were doing. The two just shook their heads.

“Sorry ____, the next one’s a lone wolf. See ya.” With that the two cadets ran away down the hallway towards the dorms, you clicked you tongue as you stood in front of Erwin’s office.

‘How the hell am I going to do this?’ You had an idea, softly you kicked the door and hid around the corner, you’d hit it just loud enough for the person in the room to make out as a knock as well as a play on the ears.

“Who’s there?” You froze hearing the deep voice, he’s in there! You needed a plan, now. Grinning slightly you came up with one and pulled out a thick hair pin; slowly you went up to the door again and knocked louder.

“Levi?” It was Erwin, you knew but you just needed him to……the sound of footsteps snapped you out of your trance; your heart beat quickened as you hid behind a box of supplies right by the door. 

As the large wooden door opened you saw the Commander’s shoes, he looked left and right but failed to see you, as he began to shut the door you caught it softly at the end before it locked automatically and put the pin in between the door and the frame. You peeped through the gap until you saw him walk into another room unaware that he knew of your presence, you stood in the middle of the room until you heard a click. Your eyes widened, you’d locked yourself in! You cursed under your breath and murmured about how losing your job wasn’t as bad as kissing Jean. This failed to convince you however as you crept over to the desk and saw it there, plain as day, your eyes shined and you smiled as you pocketed the neckpiece, now to get out. You felt the handle as went to open it when there was a chuckle behind you; you instantly froze as shivers ran up your spine.

“O-Oh…um, hello C-comander, I didn’t expect you t-there…” Erwin raised a bushy blonde eyebrow as he lent against the door frame leading to his sleeping quarters.

“In my office?” You gulped; you were doomed, utterly, utterly doomed. Screw getting eaten by a titan!

{Two days later}

You trudged through the halls of the HQ carrying as many cleaning products as humanly possible, people made way for you as some laughed, felt sorry for you or smirked, Erwin had managed to get you out of sleeping with Reiner but everything else, you had to do that, it hadn’t even been a week as you felt like the very definition of death, slowly you reached Corporal Levi’s door and knocked on it as best you could. You heard his loud footsteps and the door opened a small smirk on his face.

“What is it squad leader?” He asked as though everything was normal, you scowled slightly but was just too tired to argue.

“Look, I’m done with the halls in the girls’ dorms…please can I have a break now?” You pleaded, Levi had been working you 4 hours flat, and in a few minutes you had to help Hanji with a test, Go and supervise training with Mike and then filling out reports for Erwin, these people were evil, pure evil.

“Five minutes, not even a second more.” You nodded slowly as Levi slammed the door in your face; you slumped down next to his door and hugged your knees.

“Goddamit Jean…” You muttered as you fell asleep, not caring about the looks you were getting.

{Bonus 1}

“Oi Brat, five minutes it up get off your ass and do so-….?” Levi opened the door as you fell backwards onto his shoes, still asleep, the man eyebrow twitched in annoyance as he let out a sigh and pinched his brow. He knelt down.

“Oi wake up!” He yelled in your ears, you only mumbled about no more chores and rolled over, Levi was seriously thinking about kicking your head in if you didn’t wake up soon, he pulled your cheeks as you made a ‘bllllaaaahhh’ sound when he pulled them, still you didn’t wake, growling he scooped you up into his arms and paced down the empty halls.

{Bonus 2}

There was a rather loud knock at Erwin’s door, the man wondered who it was as he went to open the door to find Levi struggling to hold ____ in his arms, even before the blonde could say anything the Corporal dumped the sleeping squad leader body into his arms.

“Levi? Is she ok? What did you do?” Levi just shrugged.

“She fell asleep and I can’t wake her up. Your problem now.” He began to walk away as the commander became unusually flustered.

“She’s not dead is she?!” He yelled after the short man, Levi looked over his shoulder.

“I bloody well hope not, Hanji need her in ten!” Erwin sighed and placed you on his sofa as he resumed filling reports at his desk.

“Hardly the master thief are we?” He asked the slumbering squad leader rhetorically.


End file.
